Experience the World through a lens of facts.
Do a background check on the potential spouse! Verify the sweet talk!
The pious Muslim Women knows her status, her purpose in life and acts accordingly. She finds the balance between her Deen (religion), her husband, her children and her family, her work/studies.
Remember whatever we do good it is for our own selves.
“And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much” [al-Shoora 42:30]
Unfortunately there is little help available for Muslim women seeking a spouse or improving their marriage. Especially converts who have to change completely from the inside out and outside in.
I'm going to try my best to pass on in my homepage what I know to save others from major hardships. It's important to rid ourselves of old traditions and establish a solid foundation of the
responsibilities and duties of a Muslim women.
Don't let shaytan misguide you by listening to people rather than the Quran. The truth is that we as converts have to be very careful who to trust amongst the Muslims- yes, that's right the
Muslims. Converts are often thrown into marriages. Brainwashed to believe they should not get to know the person they are going to share a future with, because it is "harram". Or another one
"shaytan will cause mischief so the couple won't get married"- rush, rush marry me immediately!
Give me a break. After it doesn't work out or should I say after the sister is not able to bend beyond the breaking point she will be escorted to the trash bin.
Please, sisters don't make the mistake and get married to a stranger investigate the potential spouse AND his family. Especially when it comes to polygamy which is a topic in it of itself.
That being said remember no one has the right to abuse you! Always remember that our religion is against oppression and if you find yourself being abused do not expect the "scholars" to take care of you! It is sad, but the very people meant to uphold the religion can turn out to support oppressive behavior. Yes, especially women ironically.
Converts and even born Muslims with strong family ties will find themselves abandoned, if divorce comes up.
You should know that the legal system in your country is there to protect ALL. End domestic violence and press charges, if you can. Be smart and get a lawyer.
My sister's friend (born Muslim) asked her family to come home, leaving her husband. The parents said no. Not long after she committed suicide and she did come home only to be buried.
A man of sound character will always choose the religions guidelines to restrain himself first and foremost and not his wife or kids. He will carry the weight of accountability and
responsibility on his shoulders, if he so pleases to be a "man". Isn't it amazing how some men always find a way to make the religion work for them and their desires and bring hardship
upon all people that surround them? Well, sister in that case you are dealing with a man of double standards. If he is abusive, know that he will NEVER love you. Allahu allem. Allah knows
best.
I love you fisabilillah!
- Lisa Shepard
Example of real life stories I had people relate to me. Not googled or from a newspaper! Real events in my short years as a Muslim:
One I mentioned in the article above. A sister committing suicid after a horrible marriage she couldn't escape from.
A brother was looking for a wife and asked for help. He described the attributes he would like to see in a women. He added it doesn't matter if she is covered or not as long as he likes her. He said lightly: " After about 3 months of marriage I am going to tell her to wear niqab anyways."
A sister in a Muslim country got raped and pressed charges against her abuser. The Muslim judge came to the conclusion that it would be best for the rapist to marry his victim!
A sister had to live with her brother and his wife for a while. She witnessed her brother violently raping his wife. The screams haunted her for the longest. After she left his house she chose a lifestyle that he disapproved of. Therefore he threatened to kill her and she is afraid of him understandably.
A sister got married. She was vegetarian and her spouse knew that from the beginning. After a few months of marriage he forced her to eat meat. To ensure a "safe pregnancy" or as it turned out to enforce his way of life upon her.
A Muslim mother discovers that she got married to a pedophile who ended up raping her daughter.
A sister gets married to a sheikh who she thought would have the best manners and best character. Someone who would uphold the religion. Turns out he has the worst character she has ever personally witnessed and he ended up severely emotionally abusing her and her girl from a previous marriage.
Know that the devil will always present himself as something desirable. Don't blindly trust anyone! Especially with your kids! He perverts the religion, he perverts the Muslims, but know that Allah's promise is true and he has created heaven for the patient and hellfire for the severely transgressing. Never let anyone push you away from Islam. Hold on to your faith! Allah does not love the one who is in the position to oppress and then he does. (example the position a husband has over the wife and children). So much that even a Non- Muslim's dua will be accepted against a Muslim who is the oppressor. Our Lord is ALWAYS just.
There are agencies that perform background checks. Don't be naive! And NO this is not spying!
Check for serious transmittable diseases! HIV, etc. Some men might disclose this important information. Hoping you will be "pious" (after marriage) and quietly accept. While they hide their "piety" under lies and deceptions. " Sweetie I never lied. It is your fault you never asked!"
- Don't find yourself in that situation. Ask!
The Snake
On her way to work one morning
Down the path along side the lake
A tender hearted woman saw a poor half frozen snake
His pretty colored skin had been all frosted with the dew
"Poor thing," she cried, "I'll take you in and I'll take care of you"
"Take me in tender woman
Take me in, for heaven's sake
Take me in, tender woman," sighed the snake
She wrapped him all cozy in a comforter of silk
And laid him by her fireside with some honey and some milk
She hurried home from work that night and soon as she arrived
She found that pretty snake she'd taken to had bee revived
"Take me in, tender woman
Take me in, for heaven's sake
Take me in, tender woman," sighed the snake
She clutched him to her bosom, "You're so beautiful," she cried
"But if I hadn't brought you in by now you might have died"
She stroked his pretty skin again and kissed and held him tight
Instead of saying thanks, the snake gave her a vicious bite
"Take me in, tender woman
Take me in, for heaven's sake
Take me in, tender woman," sighed the snake
"I saved you," cried the woman
"And you've bitten me, but why?
You know your bite is poisonous and now I'm going to die"
"Oh shut up, silly woman," said the reptile with a grin
"You knew damn well I was a snake before you took me in
"Take me in, tender woman
Take me in, for heaven's sake
Take me in, tender woman," sighed the snake
- Oscar Brown
It only takes one time to harm you and your kids severely. Know the man you invite into your home and heart. Don't be naive! Distinguish the trustworthy from the wretched abuser.
A snake will always be a snake!
A liar will lie!
a thief will steal!
a cheater will cheat!
A rapist will rape!
An oppressor will opress!
a muslim with no god consciousness .... pray that you will never have to fill in the blanks.
Don't assume he will change for you!
“Allah has promised the hypocrite men and the hypocrite women and the infidels, the Fire of Hell, to abide in it forever. That is enough for them, Allah has cursed them, and for them
is a lasting chastisement.” at-tawbah:68
